Conspiracy theorists are idiots.

Conspiracy theorists are idiots. There, I said it. Not only are they prone to believing in utter shite, they’re also incredibly smug and obnoxious. Seriously. It has actually reached the point where I can’t stand the thought of communicating with them. As soon as a conspiracy theorist begins to ramble on about 9/11 and the NWO, my eyes glass over and my mind begins to wander.

Think about it. Why on earth should I try and debate someone who has already made up their mind? Why should I waste my time arguing with a person who is so emotionally invested in their viewpoint?

Lets take a look at some of the common phrases that conspiracy theorists like to repeat on a daily basis.

“Open your eyes and wake up sheeple!”

My eyes are open, thank you very much. If you’ve reached the point where you think that anyone who disagrees with your opinion is “blind”, then you’ve crossed the line into smug territory. Turn back now, because this is the kind of high horse bullshit that will make people actively avoid you. Learn to accept the fact that reading Infowars and watching low quality conspiracy videos on Youtube does not make you more enlightened than everyone else.

“You can’t trust the mainstream media!”

Fair enough. It’s just a shame that you don’t apply the same level of skepticism to Alex Jones’ videos or websites such as The MSM is making things up, but that random guy who runs a Facebook page to push his own agenda isn’t? Oh right! You’re perfectly OK with his agenda, simply because it matches yours. Got it!

You f*cking tool.

“Question everything!”

Thank you for reminding me to do something that I already do on a daily basis. What’s next? Are you going to remind me that I require oxygen to live? That I must drink water to stave off the effects of dehydration? That I must eat food in order to avoid dying of starvation?

Unfortunately, I don’t think that you were being sincere when you said that I should “question everything!” Instead, I think you meant: “Question everything. Just make sure that you arrive at the same conclusion as me.”

The reason I don’t believe in that conspiracy theory is because I questioned it.

“You must be a shill!”

Oh look, you’ve become so smug and obnoxious that you think that anyone who disagrees with you is a shill or a COINTELPRO agent. And yet you complain about the fact that people do not want to debate with you?

“False Flag!”

Nowadays, everything is a false flag. Bomb blows up a bus? False flag! A plane flies into a building? False flag! Somebody shoots up a school? False flag! Somebody took a shit in the toilet and didn’t flush? False flag!

The people who organise and carry out these false flag operations must be extremely over-worked if they are behind every single deplorable act that is being reported on in the news.

“People didn’t believe us when we said that [Insert Theory Here] was true!”

If you sling enough crap at a wall, something is going to stick. If I make 1000 predictions, there is a good possibility that one or two of them will turn out to be true. What about all of the conspiracy theories that have turned out to be false? What about all of the conspiracy theories that have never been proven? Are we just going to ignore those?

“I’m just asking questions.”

This is often used whenever a conspiracy theorist wants to slowly introduce his “alternative” point of view. For example: On Reddit, I saw this particular phrase being used in a thread about the Holocaust. The user in question was attempting to cast doubt on the official story by “questioning” the official death toll, as well as some of the other facts that widely-regarded historians have established over the years. As soon as somebody called him out on his bullshit, he responded with the immortal phrase: “I’m just asking questions!” However, a cursory glance at his user history proved otherwise.

His user history, which was littered with links to Holocaust Denial articles, proved that he was being a disingenuous arsehole. Instead of just stating his beliefs, he attempted to paint himself as a casual observer who was “confused” about some of the official facts about the Holocaust.

Funnily enough; if you or I were to display such disingenuous / underhanded behavior on a conspiracy forum, we’d be painted as shills (and probably banned).

“Western propaganda!”

Why is it that the people who complain about western propaganda are so quick to accept articles that have been written by anti-western sources? I mean, if you’re against the spread of propaganda, then why are posting links to state-owned media outlets such Russia Today and Press TV?

Oh wait – It’s because their propaganda falls in line with your view of the world, isn’t it?

This article was posted in Opinion.