I hate January.

I hate January. It is the worst month of all, hands down. The Christmas cheer has faded, New Years Eve has come and pass; and all that you are left with is 31 depressing days of cold, rain, sleet, snow and dark winter evenings.

F*ck that.

January feels longer than the other 11 months combined. It doesn’t help that your bank account is still in shock because you’re an idiot and you left it late to start buying Christmas presents for everyone. You could have saved up some money throughout the year and started your Christmas shopping early, but if you’re like me, then it is fair to say that you’re too disorganized and impulsive to think that far ahead.

January can go and do one. Whenever somebody tells me that they prefer the winter season over summer, I always assume that they’re thinking of the Christmas season and that they’ve somehow forgotten about the depressing bastard of a month that follows it.

Here is a quick bullet point summary of why I hate January:

• It’s cold.
• Everyone is depressed.
• It’s rainy.
• There’s sleet, snow and ice.
• The sun seems to set at 3PM.
• When the sun does decide to grace us with its presence, it lies so low in the sky that it f*cking blinds you while you’re driving.
• My bank account is so sick that it needs to be taken out back and shot.
• Everyone else is broke as well.
• A lot of businesses don’t start back until the 5th or the 6th. Have a favorite place that you like to eat lunch at? It probably won’t reopen until the 1st of February. Want to order something online and cure your January blues with some retail therapy? Your item probably won’t be dispatched until the 6th.
• Bin collections were disrupted over the Christmas season – leaving you with wheelie bins that are full to the max. It doesn’t help that every Christmas present you received came packaged in 1 tonne of cardboard and plastic.
• You get to spend most of January hating yourself and the weight that you gained because you ate like a greedy pig b*astard over Christmas.
• The mornings are dark, cold and sh*t.
• You have to take down your Christmas decorations, store them away and clean up all of the glitter and bits of pieces of plastic that are left behind.

Then, when the 31 days of hardship and depression has come to an end – what are we left with? February. F*ck that month as well.